Double Trouble, wow I haven’t heard that one yet…

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Yes, I think it is pretty cool to have twins.  It’s sorta like a badge of honor.  On occasion more like a battle scar, but scars are cool, right?  So, I understand that strangers also may find it cool to see twins.  I think it is awesome when children realize that there are two.  You can literally see the wheels turning in their little heads, trying to figure it out.  Their eyes light up and they ask a lot of questions.  I totally understand a seven-year old asking.  What I don’t understand is, why the seventy year old needs to ask the same questions?  Although, twins are still considered abnormal, there are a lot more of them today then twenty years ago.  Jeez, almost every family has a set!  Here is my list of stupid or insulting questions and my responses to them.

Q.  Are they twins?

A. No, they just look exactly alike. / Yes, what gave it away?  the fact that there is two of them?  / Why?  Do you see two?

Q. Are they boys or girls?

A. Neither.  But honestly, this is only a stupid question because their car seats are boyish, and most times they are wearing boy clothes.  I do understand at 4 months old, it can go either way.

Q. Oh, do twins run in your family?

A.  They do not run in mine or my husband’s however they do in my boyfriend’s.  This is a loaded question because what they are asking is;  did you have fertility treatments?   No matter how they got here, it really is none of your business.  When was the last time a stranger asked YOU about your sex life?

Q.  Are you sleep deprived?

A.  Yes, what new parent isn’t?  No matter how many there are, babies are demanding.  Just a stupid, stupid question.

Q.  How do you do it?  Usually followed by, I don’t know how you do it, or better you than me.

A. How does any parent do it.  You just do.  DUMB ASS.  And thank you for your lack of support.

Q. Do you have family?

A. No, I was raised by wolves.

Q. Are they a handful?

A. Yes, my hands are always full.

I really don’t mind answering questions of  the first five strangers, but after five, I tend to get a little punchy.  The places I avoid taking them to are, Wal-Mart, the grocery store, (you have the answer the same questions in every aisle.), and the mall.  Safe places seem to be Babies “R” Us, and smaller shops.  My thinking is because parents generally don’t have time to stop and chit-chat, they leave you alone. The smaller shops you can gather all the customers around and only answer their stupid questions once.

Just as a public service to all on behalf of all twins, here is a list of phases that are just annoying.

1. double trouble

2. watch out here comes trouble

3. double vision

4. twice the love.

I’m sure there is more, I am just drawing a blank.

Oh, please DO NOT TOUCH MY BABIES.  Just because there is two doesn’t mean you can put your dirty paws all over them!  When in doubt, hands off!

Love Always,brothers.

a twin mom.

Eat It, Happy People.

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There are some days that everything seems to go in perfect order, this is not one of those days.  Have you ever wished you could just curl up under the blankets and wait til tomorrow?  Today is one of those days.  I will spare you the gory details of my mundane day.  When days like to today rear their ugly heads, I go one of two ways.  Either, I curl up in bed and watch really bad reality shows or I clean.  So, I haven’t had one of “those” days since the boys have been home.  Until today.  I feel a little lost because I can’t do either.  The babes don’t really understand, “mommy’s staying in bed today. Or just watch t.v. while mommy bleaches the grout.”  So you suck it up and cry in the bathroom while they nap.

No one ever told me there would be days like this.  I wish they had,  I would have been better prepared.  It’s hard masking sadness when you have two beautiful babies looking up at you with those toothless grins and big belly laughs.  They literally make me forget why i didn’t want to get out of bed.  This is not a love letter to them though, this is a blog about the difficulties of a new mom.  The feelings that whirl around your head, the thoughts that no one dares to write, the jokes that seem oh so true yet no one wants to laugh at.  In all the books and magazines I have read, no where did it say, that you will still have those days, but now you can’t wallow in your own self-pity.  Get over it.   I know women that never have a negative word to say about their lives, not about their kids, spouses, jobs, friends, nothing.  I call bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT.  Everyone at some point thinks negative thoughts.  I think these women are sad.  They seem to be trying to convince themselves, maybe more so than anyone else, that their problems are not really there.

We all have problems, but it’s all how you handle them.  I personally use, take it out on the ones who love you.  Another favorite is drink until it goes away.  In the past these haven’t really worked out too well for me.  I suggest finding a less destructive approach.  The drinking approach may be fun until you wake up in another state with no real knowledge on how you got there.  True story, by the way.  Taking it out on your loved ones also may seem understandable until you say something you can’t take back.  Tomorrows are never guaranteed.  Deep, right?  Anyway, I in no way am in the position to give advice.  I just wish women would be truthful about the perils of our job.  It’s not easy, in fact it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I suspect it is the hardest thing I will ever do.  As with all hard things, it has an amazing pay off.  My sons love me and I love them.  More than I ever thought I could love anything in this world.  It doesn’t mean that they aren’t jerks on occasion.

It’s nice being positive.  Until it becomes annoying.  After annoying it is just down right obnoxious.  See, we already have to endure the happy mom/baby ads, the happy family ads, and this time of year,  the happy extended family ads.  Who has an extended family gathering where a fight doesn’t break out???  Maybe not fist fights, or maybe.  Mine uses the under the breath insults and somewhat inappropriate  jokes.  We try to love each other and it ends up becoming  a struggle just to tolerate each other for the afternoon.   The beauty is, we will always be there for one another but it might come at the cost of poorly timed joke over Christmas dinner.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.  What fun would it be without, “Can you pass the turkey?  By the way, did you remember to pick up your herpes medicine?”  Maybe that’s why I have a hard time with super happy positive people.  I just didn’t grow up that way.  I couldn’t imagine “The Walton’s” as my family.  I would have certainly been the black sheep.

Thank you for indulging the ramblings of a crazy white women.  I feel much better now, unfortunately, now it’s time to go to bed.  Maybe I’ll clean for just a little bit….

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Here are the top ten things I am thankful for this season:

10. I don’t have to cook the bird.

9.  That I have managed not to stab anyone

8.  That my husband has a long weekend.

7.  I have lost most of the baby weight. (now to lose the “pre baby” weight)

6.  Alex started to roll.  I really don’t know if I should be thankful for mobility

5.  Ben is within ounces to catching up with Alex in weight

4.  Supportive family and friends as I embark on a new chapter in my life

3.  I have showered and shaved my legs three times this week and it is only Thursday.

2.  That Christmas is right around the corner.  I have a feeling it will be especially magical this year.

1.  My sense of humor.  and everyone else’s around me.

Now the list of things that i shouldn’t be thankful for but am…

10. My IUD.

9.  vodka

8. Google (for my daily,  why are my babies doing that answer)

7. electric swings, gliders, and anything else that keeps them entertained for ten minutes

6. The boppy pillow, it makes a great neck pillow for me

5. REDBULL–I literally can’t live without it.

4. ear plugs, I don’t actually own a pair yet, but it’s only a matter of time.

3. the microwave.

2. premade cookie dough.

1. trips to the bank, store, or post office without lugging them with me.

I am wishing everyone a wonderfully safe Thanksgiving, please be good to each other and remember all else fails, Chinese restaurants  are always open.

I’m Sorry Did You Say Twins?

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I’m new to this whole blogging thing.  I’m not really sure I know what I’m doing.  So I’m just going to start by telling you a little about myself.

 

  1. I am 33 years old.
  2. I do not have a filter.
  3. I have twin baby boys.
  4. I have a husband named Jason.
  5. We live in New Jersey.
  6. I hate when things don’t go according to plan (my life)
  7. I love Facebook, dislike Twitter.
  8. I have a dog and 5 cats.
  9. My life is never boring.
  10. I have great friends although I never get to see them.
  11. I love my family (sometimes)
  12. I believe in the golden rule (google it)
  13. I have no idea what I’m doing as a mom.

 

With all that said, the last one is what I tend to focus on, hence, my blog will probably revolve around that simple fact.

When I found out I was pregnant, panic set in.  I’m one of the boys, never ever identified with the ladies.  Sure I’ve had some practice with nieces and nephews, but YOU GIVE THEM BACK!  Now here I am panicked wondering what the hell I’m going to do with a baby, and they tell me surprise you are have twins.  (15 weeks after I found out I was  pregnant).  So I spent the next 5 months reading every baby book published.  AHHHHH, they lie all of them.  Pregnancy was not a beautiful loving experience, and neither was child-birth.  I worried about everything and anything.  They came 6 weeks early.  My worst fears realized.  They spent 2 weeks in the NICU, and then came home.  They were actually quite healthy considering their early arrival.

THEN THEY CAME HOME.  I am not one to ask for help ever.  I pride myself on doing it on my own.  That was impossible.  And i was miserable.  They had colic.  Any mother knows when your child has colic it makes you insane.  Times that by 2 and I was and maybe still am, batshit crazy.  There is no relief.  there is no escape.  There is no drug strong enough help.  There is no bridge tall enough to jump from.  All I wanted was to be a good mommy, and they kept telling me that I wasn’t.  So, with an understanding husband and wonderful mother and sister, we all made it through.  The boys seemed not to be affected at all by the 2 1/2 months of hell.  So, it’s time to relax and enjoy my baby boys.

Nope, they started teething early.  That’s where we are today.  They amaze me everyday and every night I pass out in the recliner from sheer exhaustion.  I haven’t gone back to work yet and I am counting down the days til I do.  Not because I want to, but rather I’m dreading leaving them behind.  How am I going to juggle work, babies, and a house.  My husband unfortunately has to fend for himself. I figure he’s the most expendable of the lot.

Speaking of my husband, Jason is the most understanding man on the earth.  He dealt with my pregnancy.  Granted he suffered more aliments then I did.  Weird how that works.  I’m carrying two little monsters and he’s having morning sickness and food cravings.  He dealt with the postpartum.  I threatened to stab him in the neck with a fork.  I was overwhelmed and he was sleeping.  I still think if I had done it, no jury would have convicted me.  He now deals with straight bitchiness and an overall lack of hygiene on my part.  Don’t judge me!  When it boils down to brushing my teeth or sleeping 20 minutes, I’m choosing sleep every time.  Speaking of hygiene….

I used to pride myself on not smelling like a dirty hippy.  Now, I think they might kick me out of their drum circle.  Showering is a funny thing, just when you think now is a perfect time to bathe, a baby wakes up screaming or you realize you don’t have any clean bottles for next feeding, or your husband is complaining that he doesn’t have any clean underwear.  If you are wondering why can’t you just bathe when Jason gets home from work, well it’s because he works 3-11pm.  By 11:30 at night, I’m done.  Pretty much just a pile of drool on the recliner.  Since the babies don’t sleep through the night, really I am only a pile of drool for 3-4 hours.

I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t want or love my family, I do…mostly.  There isn’t a mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter alive that hasn’t wondered about the man in her life.  I’m only assuming the same is true for children.  I wouldn’t change anything about my life, I would only add to it.  I would add a nanny, a huge pile of money, a chef and a housekeeper.

playtime

playing with mommy, can't you tell?