Training for this particular marathon is particularly grueling. It takes tenacity, stamina, and agility. It takes a mental strength that only the roughest, toughest soldier is capable of. You must be disciplined and determined. You must keep your eye on the prize.
I’ll admit I started training months ago. I wasn’t truly committed to it. I had no idea what was in store for me. The dedication to training, alone, may break some people. It could crack even the hardest of criminals. So now we are in what I affectionately call, Potty Training Boot Camp.
Boot camp started Monday.
Monday morning 0800 hours to be exact.
Me: we are going to wear big boy underwear and use the potty all day!
Alex: ok, mommy. Takes his diaper off.
Refuses to put underwear on.
Ben: noooooo, (words I don’t understand) tears, and finally naked. Still lots of talk about how much he loves his diapers
Me: let’s pick out underwear.
1100 hours. (Yes 3 hours later)
Me: yay! We now have big boy underwear on! Anytime you feel like you need to go, just tell me and we will sit on the potty.
Alex and ben: okay. Stand there look at me and pee.
Me: hey that’s ok. We will just clean this up and put new ones on.
Ben: I want my diaper on.
Alex: I want a tow truck.
Me: no and no, we will try this again.
Nap time. Diapers on.
Daddy comes home. They never make it back into underwear.
Same as day one. House begins to smell like a frat house.
HOUSE STILL SMELLS despite the three tubs of lysol wipes and mopping the floors several times.
Alex: I’m going to pick out my underwear.
Me: yes please do. And Ben you too.
Ben: mom wait one minute, I’m busy.
Me: busy? Doing what?
Ben: pooping and playing mommy.
Me: ok. Buddy listen you need to use the potty.
Ben: no mom, I’m okay. I’m just pooping in my diaper. (They are still wearing diapers to bed…I think that’s a smart move on our part)
Alex: mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Look! Look! Look! I pooped. I pooped on the potty.
Me: that’s great alex!! Please get it away from my face. You did awesome. Now please get it away from me. (They are using the little training potty with the pot that pulls out) he didn’t pick poop out of the toilet and hand it to me. Although, I do not put it past either one of them.
Me to Jason: I think Alex has this potty thing down. Ben…not so much. But he’s trying.
Jason: I’m going to start drinking if this lasts much longer.
Me: start? Huh. I’ve been drinking for about 3 years.
Jason: yeah I know. Why do you think I always offer to drive.
Me: dickface. You said it’s because you get car sick.
Jason: I do…when you drive.
We go to walmart for more underwear and a birthday present. All of us. And all of us are wearing underwear. And none of us peed ourselves.
Victory is mine!
We go to the birthday party. I bring two changes of clothing, just in case. We leave the party with no extra clothing and a plastic bag of dirty underwear.
Defeated again. The training continues….