For the love of crank and spank

It’s been an emotional week.  Filled with lots of tears, lots of second guessing, and lots of worry.  In times like these, children can really put things into perspective.  

Things said by crank and spank while Charlie  (our cat) was dying this week.

1.  We can get in a big airplane and visit him in heaven.

2.  Don’t cry mommy.  Charlie loves you.  We love you.  

3.  (While crying themselves)  I’m going to miss Charlie.  The doctor can’t make him better?

4.  Are there toys and treats in heaven for Charlie?  He likes treats.

5.  How will Charlie get to heaven?

6.  Mommy?  Are you still sad?  Charlie is in heaven now?  But he’s happy.  He has all those treats.

7.  I miss Charlie.  Will he jumping on the clouds?

8.  But what if we get a Really big airplane.  Can we go visit him and Leroy (our other cat that passed away) then?

9.  Mommy?  Can I give Charlie a kiss? 

10.  I love Charlie.  I love you. 

It breaks my heart and fills my heart all at the same time. 

We tried really hard not let Charlie’s death consume us this week, but it seemed reminders were everywhere we turned. 

We made bunny crayons and wore bunny ears.  We danced and sang silly songs, but our hearts were heavy. 

Some of the greatest people I know have fur.

Someone told me having a pet is like selling your soul to the devil.

They give this amazing happiness and unconditional love but then the devil comes knocking for them.  Some of the hardest moments in my life have been saying goodbye to a furry family member.

This time is no different.   Saying goodbye has never been my forté.  It appears as of now, we will have to say goodbye to Charlie, our cat.  He is a fighter.  He has fought and won a lot of battles but this infection seems to be winning the war.

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Charlie hiding under the christmas tree this year

He survived being dumped off by his previous owners.  He survived, lord knows how long, outside before he found us.  He survived a broken leg that was so bad, the vet told to put him to sleep.  He survived daily maulings from twin boys and the love from a 76 pound American Bulldog.

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The 76 pound American Bulldog

I’m afraid this is the end of the road though.  He is one of my best friends.  I can trust him with every secret, every fear, and every silly idea I have.  He has never told a soul.  He has never judged me.  We’ve never been in a fight, except that one time when I wouldn’t give him anymore treats.  He’s always been there to comfort me when I’ve been sad and lay with me when I’ve been lonely.  He’s the best to talk to because he listens so well.  Granted he’s hard to have a conversation with because he’s a cat but still.  Who really needs a two way conversation?

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Over the next 24 hours we will have to make one of the hardest decisions pet owners have to make.  In honor of Charlie and all of our furry family members taken too soon,  hug your cat, dog, hamster, iguana, bird, fish a little tighter tonight.  Tell them how much you love them and maybe give them an extra treat…for Charlie.

Thanks for the memories.

The horrible things my children have said today…

1.  Mommy stop dancing…and singing.

2.  What is that man doing.  (It was a woman and she heard him)

3.  Mommy I did REALLY, really big poops.  Wipe my butt.  And sorry I got some on the floor.

4.  Please don’t look at me.  I don’t like your face.

5.  I found scissors.

6.  Your belly is squishy.

7.  Your butt is squishy.

8.  Why are you so squishy.

9.  I don’t like you much today.

10.  I love you.   Well not as much as daddy.

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Prison tats.

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This is my, ok, I get it face.

●Happy VD!●

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Over the last ten years Jason has given me thousands of flowers.  (I have a thing for flowers).  When we met I was not in the best of places, mentally, physically,  and definitely not emotionally.   I explained to him that my new goal was to stop and admire all the beauty in this world.  We never know how much time we will have to savor the little things.  I didn’t want to get too busy, too bogged down to stop and smell the roses.  So he bought me roses every week.  This lasted for roughly 7 years.  Once the boys were born, life got crazy and the little things had (out of necessity) had to get pushed to the side.

He still buys me flowers for no reason, just to say, stop and smell them.  Remember the beauty in this world.  And it’s one of the many reasons I love him. 

The rule has always been, do not buy me flowers on valentine’s day.  They are marked up, poor quality,  and I generally loathe the “holiday”.  But since I am a woman and I am totally bi-polar when it comes to all things lady like,  I want freaking flowers.  But he is forbidden from buying them. 

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So if I have any secret admirers out there, I like these.

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Or these.  But if you really want to impress me

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These will work perfectly. 

I hate that I am such a girl about this holiday.  It’s not a holiday.  It’s an excuse for businesses to make money, the lonely to feel lonelier,  and for men never to live up to the expectations Hallmark has created.

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And pinterest too. 

In closing, if someone, anyone except my husband, could buy me some flowers that would be awesome. K thanks.  Love you,  mean it.

The completely unscientific experiment

The mommy guilt is real.  The mommy guilt is a real thing and I suffer from it.

I have been going out and doing things for myself as of late.  I have been dealing with my issues, I have been drinking at bars with my friends, and I have been unapologetic for it.

But the mommy guilt is still there.  It’s there because I’m not used to thinking about me.  Thinking about what I want, what I need.  My life over the last three and half years has solely revolved around crank, spank and Jason.  The three men in my life doing for themselves isn’t pretty.  In fact, it’s down right dirty.  Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty floors…and I feel guilty.

But I don’t think I should feel guilty.  Does Jason feel guilty when he goes out?  Does he bogged down with thoughts of what’s going on at the house while he’s having fun?   Does he worry about the dishes, the laundry, or the pee on the toliet seat?  I really don’t think he does.  If he does, he does an awesome job of hiding it.  I admire that.  I’m not mad.  I’m envious.  

The ability to stop thinking about what’s going on at home and just have a good time is a skill.  One that I do not possess.   To not talk about kids, to not worry about if the house is burning to the ground, to not think about all of the things that need to get done tomorrow may just be a x chromosome characteristic.  

The completely unscientific survey I conducted shows all mothers having the mommy guilt.  We worry.  We worry sometimes irrationally about our children, our husbands and our lives.   The fathers on the other hand, seem to know how to turn it off.  Of course they worry.  They have a lot of the same fears but they can turn it off.  Hence the completely unscientific study concludes, the x chromosome enables the father to go out, have fun, and enjoy themselves without guilt.  I have never wanted to be a man, until becoming a mother.

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~~~~~~~~See all the worry.~~~~~~

☆Holla! Where all my mommies at?

I love my children.  I love my children.   I LOVE MY CHILDREN.  

A 24 hour break was not long enough though.   They walked through the door whining,  crying, and fighting.  The hitting, screaming, and tempter tantrums were not missed.  In fact, the overall miserable attitudes they have had over the last three weeks were not missed.  Also not missed, peeing on the toliet seat, waking up at four in the morning just because, croup, ear infections, and especially the demand to “WIPE MY BUTT”.

You never realize how low you are on the totem pole until you are being barked at to wipe someone’s ass.  Even when asked nicely to wipe someone’s butt, it is still quite sad.  Apparently,  being three years old entitles you to not have to do anything for yourself, (unless it is something you actually can’t do yourself). 

Moral of this story:  mommy needs a vacation.   A long vacation on a beach with a young handsome waiter bringing me stupid fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.  Bonus points if those drinks come in a coconut.   Even more bonus points if the young, handsome waiter doesn’t speak English and doesn’t own a shirt.

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We’ve got that cabin fever

Things I’ve learned about my children since winter began

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1.  They can and will eat 45 lolipops in 20 minutes if you aren’t paying attention.

2.  They truly believe that flatulence is hilarious.  One day they are going to love the movie, Dumber and Dumber.

3.  They can follow rules, they just choose not to.

4.  They love fire.  (This scares me so much)  luckily we have a brick house, that I really don’t like very much.

5.  They will stick up for each other while simultaneously blaming each other.  I believe this is also a skill of most politicians.

6.  The phrase, “Mommy, I love you.”  is sweet to hear until you realize it’s because they flooded the bathroom.

7.  Anything can be destroyed while I’m cleaning the kitchen after dinner.

8.  Stubbornness runs strong in our family.  Really strong.  Like, incredibly strong.

9.  Legos are actually instruments of death.

10.  Having two extremely active and curious boys trapped in a house for three months isn’t healthy for anyone, especially me.

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