There are some days that everything seems to go in perfect order, this is not one of those days. Have you ever wished you could just curl up under the blankets and wait til tomorrow? Today is one of those days. I will spare you the gory details of my mundane day. When days like to today rear their ugly heads, I go one of two ways. Either, I curl up in bed and watch really bad reality shows or I clean. So, I haven’t had one of “those” days since the boys have been home. Until today. I feel a little lost because I can’t do either. The babes don’t really understand, “mommy’s staying in bed today. Or just watch t.v. while mommy bleaches the grout.” So you suck it up and cry in the bathroom while they nap.
No one ever told me there would be days like this. I wish they had, I would have been better prepared. It’s hard masking sadness when you have two beautiful babies looking up at you with those toothless grins and big belly laughs. They literally make me forget why i didn’t want to get out of bed. This is not a love letter to them though, this is a blog about the difficulties of a new mom. The feelings that whirl around your head, the thoughts that no one dares to write, the jokes that seem oh so true yet no one wants to laugh at. In all the books and magazines I have read, no where did it say, that you will still have those days, but now you can’t wallow in your own self-pity. Get over it. I know women that never have a negative word to say about their lives, not about their kids, spouses, jobs, friends, nothing. I call bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT. Everyone at some point thinks negative thoughts. I think these women are sad. They seem to be trying to convince themselves, maybe more so than anyone else, that their problems are not really there.
We all have problems, but it’s all how you handle them. I personally use, take it out on the ones who love you. Another favorite is drink until it goes away. In the past these haven’t really worked out too well for me. I suggest finding a less destructive approach. The drinking approach may be fun until you wake up in another state with no real knowledge on how you got there. True story, by the way. Taking it out on your loved ones also may seem understandable until you say something you can’t take back. Tomorrows are never guaranteed. Deep, right? Anyway, I in no way am in the position to give advice. I just wish women would be truthful about the perils of our job. It’s not easy, in fact it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I suspect it is the hardest thing I will ever do. As with all hard things, it has an amazing pay off. My sons love me and I love them. More than I ever thought I could love anything in this world. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t jerks on occasion.
It’s nice being positive. Until it becomes annoying. After annoying it is just down right obnoxious. See, we already have to endure the happy mom/baby ads, the happy family ads, and this time of year, the happy extended family ads. Who has an extended family gathering where a fight doesn’t break out??? Maybe not fist fights, or maybe. Mine uses the under the breath insults and somewhat inappropriate jokes. We try to love each other and it ends up becoming a struggle just to tolerate each other for the afternoon. The beauty is, we will always be there for one another but it might come at the cost of poorly timed joke over Christmas dinner. I wouldn’t want it any other way. What fun would it be without, “Can you pass the turkey? By the way, did you remember to pick up your herpes medicine?” Maybe that’s why I have a hard time with super happy positive people. I just didn’t grow up that way. I couldn’t imagine “The Walton’s” as my family. I would have certainly been the black sheep.
Thank you for indulging the ramblings of a crazy white women. I feel much better now, unfortunately, now it’s time to go to bed. Maybe I’ll clean for just a little bit….