I came home from work today and there was silence.  The boys were napping, Jason was napping, no t.v. no radio, just the humming of the refrigerator.  It was weird.

Normally, there is mass chaos when I come home.  The boys are generally energized from their second nap, Jason is running around trying to finish cleaning up from lunch and get himself ready to leave for work, the dog wants to play and the cats are under my feet.  The boys usually need to be dressed, and need a snack.  Which is always followed by a diaper change.  I usually start planning out dinner and read the mail, (bills), then feel like I should play the lottery, because that’s the only way our bills will get paid on time, and in full. 

Not today though.  I walked into silence.  It was like pre-children.  It wasn’t right.  No screaming, no running, no falling and banging heads.  No Jason running around no puppy wanting to play, not even a cat under my feet.  I didn’t like it.  I didn’t like it one bit.  I thought when this day would come, I would be overjoyed with a few minutes to myself.  I actually thought about waking them up.  I didn’t because I’m not stupid.  So, I curled up in bed next to Jason and wrote this.  Because even in my downtime, I need to be doing something.  It never used to be that way.  I could come home and relax, read a magazine, or book.  Cook some dinner and finish the night watching t.v. 

That’s the funny thing, now 14 months into this whole mommy thing and I don’t think I would ever want that life again.  Not that it wasn’t a good life, it was great.  Just maybe not as full as it is now.  Full of chaos, worry, diapers, tiny little hands and feet, but most importantly, a love like I have never felt before.  My life isn’t easy, it isn’t clean, and it certainly isn’t quiet.  But it’s perfect.

So, little boys wake up so we can play!




One thought on “Silence.

  1. This is exactly how I used to feel. Every once in a blue moon the house would be empty. It was hard to get used to. Funny how fast life changes and how easily we adapt to chaos when that chaos are little people you love. Then they grow up to be big people you love. Love you sweetie! – Mom

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