I hate me

Sometimes life slaps you across the face.  Hard.  Sometimes you need to have a little support.  Sometimes, reality is not what you need in that moment.  Because you live reality every waking minute.  You may even dream in reality.  Maybe to have something to hold onto, to dream about is exactly what you need. 

Maybe your internal voice hates you.  Maybe your internal voice has the same tone as your mother.  Your mother when she’s trying to help, but what you need is for her to listen without judging, without being disappointed in you.  Without worrying that you have fucked up once again and how is she going to fix it. 

Or you could be at the lowest point in your life and can’t see a way out.

But there is a way out.  It’s that little dream you have.  That little dream that you want to become your reality.   You fight for it.  You work endlessly for it.  All you need is a little support and understanding.  All you need is a little less you fucked up again and a little more I think that’s great.  You are doing the very best that you can.  I love you.  I am here for you.  I’m proud of the person you’ve become.  You will get through this.

Maybe all you’ve ever wanted is to have people be proud of you, yet no one ever has.  At least no one has ever made you feel that way.  Maybe you walk through life knowing you’re going to disappoint everyone you care about.  Maybe the disappointment you see in people’s eyes hurts more then being stabbed in the chest. 

Maybe you know that this is all in your head.  Maybe you know that this is how you and only you feel.  It just doesn’t make it any less crushing.

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