10 lies toddlers tell.
1. I wanna take a nap.
No you don’t. You want to run around like a crazy animal, destroying your room.
2. I was good. Can I have a lollipop now?
No you weren’t. You kicked, screamed for help, and begged to leave the hair salon. So no, you get no pop.
3. Daddy did it.
I am almost positive daddy didn’t dump the cat food all over the floor. I am almost positive he didn’t try to flush my rolling pin down the toilet. Almost.
4. I’m hurt.
The last time I checked brushing your teeth didn’t involve any kind of pain. So, I call your bullshit. Now brush your teeth!
5. I wanna sit on the potty like a big boy.
But not really. What you actually want is to get naked, run around the house. Then shit in the corner of the living room.
6. I wanna take a bath.
Again no you don’t. You want to splash the bath water out of the tub, get mommy soaking wet and then run away naked.
7. I will share my toys.
What you mean is, I will begrudgingly give my brother the toy I just broke. After all, it’s useless to me now.
8. I’m hungry.
Ok. Maybe you are hungry. But not hungry enough to eat what mommy has cooked for me.
9. I will pet the kitty/doggie nice.
You mean, I will punch, pull, kick said pet until mommy yells at me or I get scratched.
10. I’m a good boy.
You are two years old. You are a monster. You make mommy and daddy want to drink, heavily.
Despite you lying boldly to my face, I love you and find you hilarious. I just hope I’m not raising pathological liars.