Just some advice from just some mom.

1.  Sleep when they sleep is bullshit.  Plain and simple.  If I slept when they slept as infants, the house would have been condemned by the city.

2.  Google is a dangerous tool for any new mother.  I highly suggest throwing your computer and phones away when you give birth.

3.  You will have a breakdown.  How big or small depends on how much sleep you managed to get that week.  And p.s. you will keep having them.  Again, this is all dependant on sleep or the lack of.

4.  You child/children will figure you out and use it against you.  This starts way earlier then I imagined.

5.  It’s ok to lie about your general hygiene.  Everyone can see you haven’t showered in three days, but no one wants to talk about it.

6.  What worked for your best friend, mother, sister, neighbor, may not work for your baby.  You know what?  That’s ok.  Their way is no better or worse then your way.  (Obviously not including abuse).  No need to judge each other so harshly.  We are all in the same, smelly boat.  Smelly because none of us have bathed.

7.  You will lose your patience.  You will lose your Shit.  You will yell, scream, and cry.  At the end of the day as long as your spawn children know how much they are loved, it will be ok.

8.  Speaking of which, number 7 applies to your spouse as well.  Don’t forget your partner in crime.  They need your love too.  Sometimes they also need to know how close they were to being stabbed in the neck with a fork while they slept too.  Just saying.

9.  Hugs and kisses can fix almost anything.  And never underestimate the power of a child’s imagination.  Monsters can lurk anywhere.  But magic blankets can protect you from them too.

10.  In two and half years I’ve learned more about the world from two little people then I have in thirty five years on my own.  Sit back and enjoy every snotty, smelly, frustrating moment.  These moments will be gone before we realize.

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They are already driving!
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Seriously!. Stop growing up so fast!
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