Conversations with 4 year olds

The set up:
Watching Animal Planet and a dog was nursing her puppies.

Alex: Why are they in her belly?
Ben:  They are cold.  Obviously.

Me:  They are eating.

Alex:  They are eating their mommy???
Ben:  No they are cold.  Obviously.

Me:  They aren’t eating her, they are drinking her milk.

Alex:  What?  No they are eating her.

Me:  milk comes out of her nipples and her nipples are on her belly. 

Ben:  I have nipples, Alex has nipples and you and daddy have nipples.  Can we feed puppies too?

Me:  No.  Oh my god.  No. 
1st.  Boys can’t make milk because boys can’t have babies. 
2nd.  Human milk is different then dog milk.
3rd.  Can we please stop talking about this?

Alex:  Mommy?  Do you have milk in your boobies?

Me:  Not anymore.  Please can we stop talking about this?

Alex:  Ok.  Can we watch puppies not eating their mommies now?

Me:  YES!

The set up:
At the mall waiting to eat dinner at Red Robin.

Alex:  Mommy I love you.

Me:  I love you too.

Ben:  I love you too Mama.

Me:  And I love you Ben.

Alex:  Okay so now can we have ice cream? …. and a toy?

Me:  Would you love me if I said no?

Alex:  Yeah, just not as much as if you said yes.

The set up:
Our living room

Ben:  We are slobs. 
Alex:  no we aren’t.

Me: well you sorta are.  But you are getting better.

Ben:  No we aren’t but thank you Mama.
Alex:  shhh, she might get us toys
Ben:  no she won’t but daddy will.

Me:  Hey I’m sitting right here!  But you are right.  I’m not buying you toys.

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