I always wanted twins!

Strangers say lots of silly things when they see crank and spank. 
Things like:
Double trouble!
Better you then me!
Sure do have your hands full
Are they twins?
And my personal favorite as of late…
I always wanted twins.

Well since you always wanted twins let me break it down for you.

Let me know if you still want a set.

1.  You will love being pregnant with twins if you love going to the ob/gyn as often as you change your underwear.

2.  You will love having twins if you love being worried about things like twin to twin transfusion, cervix shortening,  dilating, and peeing in a cup four times a month (or more).

3.  Twins will be for you if you love the idea of being pregnant for 50 plus weeks, because that’s what it feels like at six months.  Just imagine, you’ve got another two/three months to go!

4.  Speaking of which, if premies sound fun multiples are for you.  Crank and spank came six weeks early.  NICU time is another fun possibility with twins.

5.  Once you have birthed them and brought them home, the real fun begins.  Can you change two diapers at once?  Well you’re going to have to learn and learn fast. 

6.  Feeding two babies at once?  Same thing.  You are going to have to learn fast.  Heaven forbid one or both have colic… (both mine did)…godspeed.  godspeed.

7.  Hey you made it!  They are walking.  WAIT!  THEY ARE RUNNING!  In opposite directions.  Get your running shoes on.  It never stops.

8.  Two heads are better than one.  Also, four hands, four feet and curiosity make for some pretty awesome messes.  Crank and spank have done things that nightmares are made of. 

9.  You have pets?  That’s nice.  Right around this time your pets will start actively looking for new homes.  There is nothing scarier then two toddlers chasing after you.

10.  Potty training.  Just potty training.

11.  If you are lucky enough to have two bathrooms ar some point in unison you will hear, Wipe my butt!  Is there anything sweeter in this world then that?  Running floor to floor of your home to wipe poopy butts is my idea of a great time, and workout.

12.  Money.  Do you have lots of it?  You are going to need it.  Everything times two.  At the same damn time.  Everytime.   No exceptions.  

13.  Forget the diaper expense,  the food expense for two growing boys is enough to keep us in the poor house well into retirement.  And from what they tell me, it only gets worse.

14.  Developmentally,  twins share the same timeline.  But that doesn’t mean they will share anything else.  So start buying two of every toy, blanket, tee shirt, and book that you see.  In fact the only thing my two have shared in three and half years is my womb.

15.  There is one thing that makes all the hard work, tears, bruises, and screams worth it.  When they run over throw their little arms around my legs and say, Mama, I love you.  You are the best Mama in the whole world.  (Granted their world extends to our backyard)

I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.  However, I do believe you have to be one sick f $*@ to “always wish you had twins”

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Our Easter portraits.   Darling aren’t they?  P.s.  not our cat.  Our cat moved into our neighbors house.

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For the love of crank and spank

It’s been an emotional week.  Filled with lots of tears, lots of second guessing, and lots of worry.  In times like these, children can really put things into perspective.  

Things said by crank and spank while Charlie  (our cat) was dying this week.

1.  We can get in a big airplane and visit him in heaven.

2.  Don’t cry mommy.  Charlie loves you.  We love you.  

3.  (While crying themselves)  I’m going to miss Charlie.  The doctor can’t make him better?

4.  Are there toys and treats in heaven for Charlie?  He likes treats.

5.  How will Charlie get to heaven?

6.  Mommy?  Are you still sad?  Charlie is in heaven now?  But he’s happy.  He has all those treats.

7.  I miss Charlie.  Will he jumping on the clouds?

8.  But what if we get a Really big airplane.  Can we go visit him and Leroy (our other cat that passed away) then?

9.  Mommy?  Can I give Charlie a kiss? 

10.  I love Charlie.  I love you. 

It breaks my heart and fills my heart all at the same time. 

We tried really hard not let Charlie’s death consume us this week, but it seemed reminders were everywhere we turned. 

We made bunny crayons and wore bunny ears.  We danced and sang silly songs, but our hearts were heavy. 

Some of the greatest people I know have fur.

Someone told me having a pet is like selling your soul to the devil.

They give this amazing happiness and unconditional love but then the devil comes knocking for them.  Some of the hardest moments in my life have been saying goodbye to a furry family member.

This time is no different.   Saying goodbye has never been my forté.  It appears as of now, we will have to say goodbye to Charlie, our cat.  He is a fighter.  He has fought and won a lot of battles but this infection seems to be winning the war.

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Charlie hiding under the christmas tree this year

He survived being dumped off by his previous owners.  He survived, lord knows how long, outside before he found us.  He survived a broken leg that was so bad, the vet told to put him to sleep.  He survived daily maulings from twin boys and the love from a 76 pound American Bulldog.

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The 76 pound American Bulldog

I’m afraid this is the end of the road though.  He is one of my best friends.  I can trust him with every secret, every fear, and every silly idea I have.  He has never told a soul.  He has never judged me.  We’ve never been in a fight, except that one time when I wouldn’t give him anymore treats.  He’s always been there to comfort me when I’ve been sad and lay with me when I’ve been lonely.  He’s the best to talk to because he listens so well.  Granted he’s hard to have a conversation with because he’s a cat but still.  Who really needs a two way conversation?

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Over the next 24 hours we will have to make one of the hardest decisions pet owners have to make.  In honor of Charlie and all of our furry family members taken too soon,  hug your cat, dog, hamster, iguana, bird, fish a little tighter tonight.  Tell them how much you love them and maybe give them an extra treat…for Charlie.

When, please tell me when…

When am I going to stop saying….

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We like our underwear...with our diapers

Get that out of your mouth!

Please for the love that is all holy in this world stop taking your pants off.

Why?  Just why?  Please tell me why.

No!  You can’t run around the house naked…unless you want to use the potty.  Then guess what?  You can run around naked all day.

Stop wasting food! 

How can you still be hungry? 

We color on paper only.  Not walls, not the couch, not our beds, not the dog, and certainly not each other.

We do not bite our brother.  EVER.

We do not bite the dog.  EVER.

Seriously, when will I be able to stop saying these things?  For the record, I would be cool with the naked factor, if they were potty trained.  But since they “like our diapers, mommy” I think we have a little way to go.

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A butt pillow

You Want My Life.

The newest game all the cool kids are playing?  Walk your brother like a dog.
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The things the terrible did while I was at work….

1. Knocked over the flowers that were on the kitchen table. I know this because half the flowers were still on the floor when I came home.

2.  Got into the junk drawer (don’t pretend like you don’t have one) and apparently were playing with screws.  I know this because I stepped on one as I walked into the house.

3.  Smashed Oreo cookies into the carpet.  I know this because I am staring at the carpet right now

4.  Got into the upstairs bathroom and used my black eyeliner to draw on the wall.  Much to my surprise I found a mural clearly made by two year olds as I closed the door.

5.  Emptied the contents of my underwear drawer down the steps.  Nothing quite coming home and finding your lacy thong hanging off the banister

6.  Found pens and drew on themselves.  They appear to have been trying to make prison tats.

7. Covered each other with the creme from the Oreos.  I’m assuming they did this before smashing the cookie parts into the carpet.  There is still creme stuck in their hair like hair gel.

8.  Ate some kind of chips. I know this because the chips also appear to be on my kitchen floor.

9.  Made a pillow fort in the living room.
Guessing so jumping off the couch would be safer.

10.  Rode our dog, Lucy, like a horse.  I’m only guessing on this one. She won’t come downstairs and I can only assume that they are the reason why.

This was my living room….and now it is a scene from horders.
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Poor Lucy.  It really is a hard life.
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Who, what, where and why?

There comes a point in every mother’s life when they have to ask some hard questions.  I think those questions vary by which stage of motherhood your in.  Right now I’m in the, “oh god I don’t really want to know the answer,” phase.

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Here’s a sampling of questions I hate to ask.

1.  What is that in your mouth?  Followed with, did you just swallow it?

2.  Why are you doing that? 
This is usually answered with toddler gibberish and laughing. (They are mocking me I know it).

3.  What are you guys doing?
Silence is an awful thing when there are toddlers living with you.  Silence followed by running and hiding is so much worse.

4.  Where is your brother?
This may be a twin thing.  Usually the brother is locked in a closet or a room.

5.  What happened to the cats whiskers?
Pretty self explanatory…
Ben: kitty was bad
Alex: cut kitty’s beard.
Me: where did you guys get scissors?

6.  Where are you guys?
This is just a scary question.  Usually playing in the toilet…

7. What is in your bucket? If the question is posed to Ben it’s, what is in your pink pumpkin?
There is always something that’s growing fur in there.  Hint: it’s not supposed to have fur.

8.  What is all over your face/body/hair…?
Today it was my makeup.  Yesterday it was marker, two days ago it was something I have yet to identify.

9.  Who did that?
This is always answered by the one who did “it”. And they always blame someone or something else.  Example: who dumped the dog food into the dogs water? Answer from Ben:  Charlie did it.  Charlie is our cat.  Bad kitty.

10.  Can you guys just behave?
They have taken to answering in unison and that answer is always no, mommy.

I love this age.  I really do.  They make me laugh everyday and test my patience hourly but I couldn’t, wouldn’t change it for the world. 

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10 things I hate to admit I’ve said.

10 things I never thought I would say until I had kids.

1.  Get your finger out of your butt.

2.  Get your finger out of your brother’s butt.

3.  What did his (insert Jason, Alex, or Ben’s name here) poop look like today?

4.  Listen sweet pea, we have to wear clothing when we leave the house.

5.  Listen sweet pea, you need to wear pants when you leave the house.  (Jason, you are an adult; you should know better.)

6.  Please stop riding the dog.

7.  Please stop licking the floor.

8.  Please stop licking the dog.  While we’re at it stop licking the couch too.

9.  Why are you sniffing the cat’s butt?

10. No the kitty doesn’t need a diaper.  Nope, neither does the doggie.